iUnder Construction has once again participated in thought-provoking work for the American Advertising Federation of Greenville. This time we were privileged to play a small role on a project-based team made up of creative companies, writers, and actors that produced 4 spoof videos shown at the Greenville ADDY Awards. The fourth spoofs’ script was written by our very own Phil Manilow.

Assembled below are some of Phil’s most beloved tweets.  His all-original quips are now conveniently arranged here in one place for your viewing pleasure.    See what Phil has to say without having to join the Twitter revolution.

• There’s something fulfilling about a buffet.


• I got ahead of myself and now I’m beside myself trying to find myself in a fallen world.

• Made it to second base then she said I ruined the mood when I felt her up with hand sanitizer. Lesson learned.

• I’m your best nightmare. 


• Funny how making up your bed in the morning can make you feel like you’ve got your life together.



• One of my ultimate fantasies for my life is to eventually be a talking point on a horse-drawn carriage tour.



• I’m craving primordial soup and crackers.



• The first bad decision I made was at birth.


• My grandmother grew up a left-handed diabetic in the roaring 20’s.



• I’m falling in love and I can’t get up.

• I get the feeling your touted ‘less is more’ approach is really just a way for you to justify your laziness. There’s nothing Zen about you.



• If I were toilet paper where would I be hiding?

• Making grass angels in the sun. So much warmer than snow angels.

• Normal people are weird.

• The key to life is a skeleton key.

• My opinions are objective.

• People are not as stupid as they look. But close.

• Me, Myself, and I make a great team.

Phil’s superior versions of famous quotes:  

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will never hurt me as bad when I beat your ass into a comma.

One door closes and another one opens and stubs your toe.

Count your blessings one by one. Count your misfortunes by ten, otherwise it would take too long.

Female Relations Equation: 
Predicted Complication x 13= X
X ÷ 2 = Y
Y= π is ≤ Y

We are working on a new fancy website for another advertising agency. Yes, that’s how good we are as an agency. Other ad agencies even hire us to develop their brand. This particular agency wants a website like all their competitors and we totally understand. After all, to stay competitive you need to mimic the competition.

I put together some notes on what I think it takes to mimic the competition. This will serve us well as we move forward to give our client the website they want. As always, at iUC we thrive on your feedback and always consider it before we move forward on any project. I’m listing my notes below and counting on you to let me know if I’m missing anything that it takes to have a typical agency website.

Initial Notes on how to construct an Ad Agency Website:

– Splash Page: include this with a large rotating image accompanied by some initially intriguing, but repetitive and eventually annoying music. Put the skip intro and sound off button in a discreet location so the user has to spend an average of 30 seconds trying to locate these buttons so they can skip the lengthy intro and turn off the annoying music. After all, one of the goals with creating a successful website is creating one that people stay on. Plus, the longer the end user stays the better it makes us look when we review website analytics with the client each month.

-Music Selection: One of my favorite strategies for making music for the background of a website is to create a track that can blend in nicely with whatever music the end user may happen to be listening to on their iTunes. The goal is to distract the user to think “wow, I never noticed this great ambient soundscape in this Radiohead song. Is this a remix?” Dealing with this process usually ads at least 60 seconds to the end users web visit. Great for client analytics!

-Color: What’s in right now is obviously white and blue. Use it or watch your business suffer. It doesn’t matter if your companies’ colors don’t go well with blue. Find a way to get it on your site. A white background with blue text is a good place to start.

-Blog: Your site should have a blog. Who cares if you only post every 3 months and if what you post is just some entry about your mundane life or stories about your annoying little spoiled snotty-nosed kids? The point is not what you post. The point is that you need a blog. Your clients will always ask you if you have a blog. If you answer no, then they will lose all respect for you and determine that you are behind the times. They may even change agencies. If you can manage to post at least once a month, you should make the blog your home page. Once again, don’t worry about what you post. Clients just want to see that you have an active blog. No one is going to read it anyway. Just focus on the entry titles and the frequency of posting. People only read titles and look at your archive to make sure you’ve posted on a regular basis. If you can write great entry titles frequently and a good first sentence you can have a very successful blog.

-Social Media: You’ve got to engage in social media if you want to stand a chance at being relevant as an ad agency. To truly convince your clients you support social media, your agency should have a presence on social media. At minimum, you need to be on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Your website should have links to your social media groups so people can easily join your network. The first step is for your agency to make a “Facebook Group” or better yet a “Facebook Fan Page.” Once again, don’t worry about how much work this is going to be. Once you set it up you don’t have to actually do anything with it. Simply make your “Fan Page” and send an invite to your 400 facebook friends you haven’t talked to in person since high school and you can get a pretty good following. This takes minimal effort, but can get an impressive return. 1000 fans is a good benchmark for impressing your client. The point is just to guilt people that know nothing about your company in to accepting the request to become your fan. After that, you’ll just clutter up their facebook profiles with all the other fan and group and cause invitations they’ve accepted and you’ll never have to do anything else with your account again.
P.S. It’s free.

I feel like I’m still missing something. Is there something else I need to include to have a typical advertising agency website? Please, do tell?